the misunderstanding

 

I guess the Toltekians were right - we need to improve our ability to express ourselves better ...

You know I hate deadlines …

As a marketer I need to be able to draw really good pictures, and I believe that I do – I’m really good at it. However even the pictures I have for reality are not good enough to change the present. And I will not deceive to receive.

Something had to be done – something was not done. How did I feel: I felt as being left down again. I almost left. But the idea of leaving the most extraordinary personified experience of my life so far and the idea of shutting down all the doors towards it at this instant … was unacceptable for me.

Bent like a tree – close to breaking down from the wind. I realized at this particular moment thaI my chances of surviving the storm and seeing the sunshine this time are close to zero – and I didn’t know where I went wrong or what I didn’t do … The result remained: I was not the choice.

I’ve said it out loud to myself right before I fell asleep – I fear that it will never happen, no matter how hard I want and try to make it happen – the tango is a dance for two, you know … but I will at least share the moments of pure happiness whenever I can …

Why I stayed? – because I keep saying it all the time.

[care is included].

… and even though I hate to set deadlines – ironically the 27th might represent the death of something beautiful. It is an end, but also a beginning – the beginning of the nothing… [or if there is still some space for hope left – the beginning of my life.]

“ …водата пак нарисува, асфалтови петна ... “

 

в права линия - както пулса ми.

music by: D2

who r u?

Why do I feel like being an idiot right now ?

 

 

and why do I feel like I am playing the game wrong ?

i think i was running again ,,,

... i just somehow felt a "but" inbetween the lines ... 

an uncertainty which will drive me crazy if given the chance

a nightmare

Vivid dreams - more of vivid nightmares - that's what I've been dreaming about during the past two nights. And both dreams shared the same motive and characteristic - I was running.Don't get me wrong - I love running, only this time I was running from someone, not just for the fun of it.

It was so strange that i had to even sit down and write it down on a piece of paper - which i rarely do these days.

Is this some sort of a sign, two vivid dreams in a row with the same crazy message - coincidence - I think not.

[edit]* Description of the dream has been deleted – No reason for posting things like this anymore.

insomnia

 

Sleepless night again - 2 in a row - and I begin to wonder: Was it from the beer - i honestly doubt it, was it from the view of my r.mate vomiting on the walls - i still doubt it…

Had some fun today - loads of it. Well maybe I've pushed things a bit too far - but at least I had the chance to not think about what's going on – thanks mate.

The urge of the past to once more become my future has been rejected. I've seen some BS and I am not interested in taking part in the new old movie again – especially not now when I feel like I might’ve found something worth writing a blog post such as this one and still staying on track.

I had the sudden urge to call - denied however only to later find out that half sleepless was the reason.
And it’s not making me feel  better - not only not here with me, but barely reachable - if this is not pushing me to my limits - then I honestly don't know what.

Soon Thursday will come - but God knows what else lies ahead in the nearest future ...

~10 days are left - and if they are the way they've started - then i honestly begin to doubt my patience ...

reality check

nothing is perfect…

learning the lessons of life the difficult way

I live in the serendipity of the future – for the present is a vicious murderer

but  I will not give  up –  vainly  waiting for her swift arrival …

Follow the Fibonacci lines …

0. A Life is a lot lie creating and maintaining a personal blog.

1. You extrapolate an extreme amount of effort trying to come up with the proper design,

2. Later you match the appropriate colors, create the basic format of the design, hence establish your integrity.

3. And after that you start filling it with information, different, according to the specific situations that you step into.

4. Obviously some are sad – when a person goes away, and some are happy when life starts making sense again…

5. You again act as a chameleon. You are the chameleon of your moods and your own feelings.

6. Now you express the ups and downs of life – approaching it through a different perspective depending on the circumstances…

7. But always bear in mind to keep the initial design – keep your integrity – even better – make it a happy integrity :)

8. Additionally: this is a new unrecognized pattern and period of my life. I’ve learned so many lessons from one single entity…

9. Perhaps I should keep on practicing my patience … even though all i want is to keep on exploring this beautiful feeling.

10. Hmmm… Just a remark: what is it with people and their insecurities …

11. You look at an attractive woman and suddenly you get a wild, animalistic look from the person next to them.

12.  I think this is simply stupid – the one being looked upon is there with you, enjoy it while you can

13. Stop killing your happy moments together with the need to create unneeded … and unwanted BS!

*written yesterday in the sun

music by Jazzamor

do..live..smile

Things will get better – they always do.

One way or another ))

all I do is wait … ((

… and the unpublished draft is on the back of on an old piece of paper somewhere on the desk …